Blugh..

Having a bad few days.. very teary and sad all the time.. feeling nauseous and chest pains.. I just miss him so much:( Im very lonely, the kids are really really hard..and he was my best friend so i miss having that person to talk to and share everything with and laugh with.. I cant even remember the last time i properly laughed. Everything reminds me of him and i cant stop thinking.. what if.. or remembering what we were doing this time last year.. Lots of things like that.. All i wanna do is lay in bed and cry and cry but i cant..caus of the kids.. I have told my parents about the split yet.. theyve only just recovered from the last time he left and will be so upset and worried when i tell them so im putting it off. Im waiting til all his stuff is moved out then will bite the bullet and tell them.. Yesterday when the kids were being difficult dad was saying  ****(my ex) needs to help u more etc etc.. little does he know thats not a option anymore:( Anyway.. blughhhhh.. deep breath.. fake smile on..